Qualms

I was enlisting my subjects the other day for the first semester this coming academic year, and I saw that one of the best professors in my college is available. She is in my “get this prof!” list, so I immediately enlisted her. The next day, I finally managed to talk to a friend who told me that the prof I thought was good (i.e. good lecturer and giver of grades) is really really tough. I said I’m hoping to get this prof, and my friend replied that I will since people avoid her “like the plague.” Damn. Apparently, she’s a great professor, as in her students really learn, and that the grade she’ll give you will really be worth it. I like that kind of professor, and, as my friend says, I’m someone who can afford to learn. But the thing is, I’m worried that I might not be up for it. It’s not that I’m lacking self-confidence, it’s just that I’m worried what’ll happen to me if I didn’t get a good enough grade (and that “good enough” is very relative). I might succumb to depression.

But the curiosity and thirst for learning won, so she’s currently ranked first in my pre-enlisted classes list in the CRS.

I hope I get her. I’m sure it will be interesting, at the very least.

With that out of the way, I have this other qualm. I really want to be a writer. Now, if another person said that to me, my immediate answer would be: “so be a writer!” But it’s not that simple. There are so many writers, so many GOOD writers that I don’t know if there will be space for me. I know if I want it bad enough and if I really work on my potential, I can make my own space, but it scares the hell out of me. I’m studying to be a journalist, and it’s different from being a writer. I want to be a fiction writer, though I’ve been thinking that I can also dabble in creative non-fiction. Should I shift to Creative Writing? Nah. I have this principle that anyone can be a writer, as long as he/she have the eyes to see, the ears to listen, and the heart to appreciate. Maybe I should add “mouth to articulate and, most importantly, brains to think” in there. I know I don’t have to major in CW to be a writer, but I know I do have to learn a lot of things. That’s why I’m reading up on writers, reading them and reading about them. And I should write more. Maybe it’s time I resume writing those stories I have left pending for years now. Bob Ong is right. Stephen King is right. Being a rightwriter is hard.