Worlds

April 30, 2009

I realized I want to live here in California, but I can’t not live in the Philippines. The Philippines is my country, but here, in the US, is where my family is. I love the food here, and there. The weather. The people. The traditions. If only I can live in both countries at the same time.

I want the best of both worlds.

But I hate it when my different worlds collide.

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Pilat ng Alaala

April 27, 2009

Kinikilabutan pa rin ako hanggang ngayon.  Ang bagay na iyon ay hinding-hindi na mabubura sa isip ko.

Nakasusuka.

Malayo ang kailangang lakbayin upang maabot ang hangganan ng kaya kong tiisin o sikmurain. Pero sobra na. Lumagpas na.

Hindi ako nakalilimot ng mga bagay na ganoon. Nakatatak na sa alaala ko, tila ba inukit na at hindi na maaalis o matatakpan. Tulad ng ibang alaalang may mabigat na epekto sa akin. Kahit ilang panahon na ang lumipas ay nariyan pa rin, buo. Hindi malinaw at hindi malabo, ngunit buo, buong-buo.

Kristal na nabasag. Di na maibabalik. Siguro’y maididikit upang mabuo, ngunit may lamat, may basag, may puwang sa pagitan ng mga bahaging pilit pinagdikit.

Basag.

Nakasusuka. Maisip ko pa lang ay nasusuka na ako. Nakasusuka. Nakasusuka. Nakasusuka. Nakasusuka.

Kinamumuhian ko ang lahat ng bagay na may kinalaman sa ala-alang ito.

Hindi ako Diyos para di magpatawad, kahit sa sarili ko. Ngunit hindi ako nakakalimot. Kahit sa sarili ko.

Nakasusuka.

Blog

April 26, 2009

Since I can’t blog about anything else…

On a really unrelated note, I’ve unearthed this recently from one of my journals/diaries/thought notebooks:

“…like one of those not so bright stars in the sky—the ones you see, but don’t care much about.”

I thought of a better start:

“Just another character in a book, just there to fill a void, to complete a number, to be one of the mob, or audience, to play an insignificant yet essential role…”

So, here:

“Just another character in a book, just there to fill a void, to complete a number, to be one of the mob or the audience; to play an insignificant yet essential role. Like one of those not so bright stars in the sky—the ones you see, but don’t care much about.”

I totally contradicted myself.

Missing

April 25, 2009

So I was watching the National Geographic Channel the other day, and the show was Seconds to Disaster. The documentary was about the worst plane crash ever. In 1977, two planes crashed into each other, causing 583 deaths. No, they didn’t crash on air, that’s virtually impossible. They crashed when one plane took off from the runway while the another was taxiing on the runway.

Actually, the plane taking off, the KLM, hit the other plane, the Pan Am. KLM exploded, killing everyone on board, and the Pan AM took the same fate minutes after. Only around 60 people survived. [read on…]